CREDIT: Supplied

WE ARE ALL MADE OF STARS: Evan Marriott, above, and Verne Troyer cash in on their 15 minutes.

CREDIT: Supplied

Verne Troyer

Gandhi, John Lennon, Voltaire. All hacks.

The true secret to enlightenment, apparently, is to spend an evening shmoozing with C-list celebrities under a haze of cigarette smoke and unflattering lighting.

Fortunately for soul-searching Edmontonians, Evan Marriott (a.k.a. Joe Millionaire) will be at Tonic After Dark nightclub tonight. If getting your picture taken with the reality-TV star doesn't add meaning to your life, surely nothing will.

"He's someone people think they would never have an opportunity to meet," says Tonic co-manager Michael Brown. "We're giving them that opportunity."

It's all part of the ongoing trend toward making celebrity idols more accessible. But not every nightclub impresario sees pseudo-stars like Marriott as the answer to their prayers.

"We talked about bringing in (Marriott) but decided not to do it," says Paul Vickers, owner of Cowboys and Ceili's Irish Pub. "What are you going to do with him? It's not like he's going to entertain us or tell jokes or sing a song."

Vickers brought Verne Troyer (a.k.a. Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movie franchise) to The Drink nightclub in 2000 but has chosen to forgo celebrity appearances since. In his experience, bands are what really bring in revenue.

"People perceive you can make money off these (celebrities) but you can't," he says. "It just creates awareness and gets the city excited about it."

Tonic brass won't say how much tonight's fete is costing them. But they assure ed it's "nowhere near" Marriott's reported $15,000 price tag in March.

Joe Millionaire is represented by Detroit's Celebrity Placement Services, the company that boasts of "putting celebrities to work for you." Its clients include Bob Denver (a.k.a. Gilligan), David Ruprecht (Supermarket Sweep), Jamie Farr (Klinger from M*A*S*H*), and a number of former Survivor contestants.

"There is no way of gauging the shelf life (of a TV star)," company president Mike Gold says. "The first Survivors' 15 minutes lasted a year and a half."

Gold says after the final episode of Joe Millionaire, he gave Marriott a mere 60 to 90 days to milk his fame.

"A lot of people aren't going to stay on the bandwagon a long time. I told Evan ... to do as many appearances as he possibly could."

Judging by Marriott's recent experience in Niagara Falls, his star may already be dimming. Of the seven Meet Joe Millionaire Sweepstakes winners at Casino Niagara, not a single one came forward to claim their prize: Dinner with Marriott.

Despite the snub, he was still well-received by throngs of adoring fans. Marriott may teeter on the line between celebrity and sideshow, but he's still a sexy, single guy with the body of Zeus.

Gold says people love to meet celebrities simply because "it gives them something to do."

Ours is a generation so shallow, then, that rubbing shoulders with Gilligan is all it takes to achieve a sense of fulfilment.

"It's true (celebrities) only have 15 minutes of fame," says American nightlife-expert Rich Unger. "But they get 15,000 opportunities to ride on that fame."

Unger is the leading club consultant on the Web, with clients reaching from North America to Australia. In addition to sex and sin, he believes the element of celebrity is a natural winner for almost any nightclub.

"The days of the frozen wet T-shirt contest are over," he says. "You have to be so fresh and edgy now to stay ahead of the competition."

But understanding the market is crucial. Unger recalls a Tennessee club that "lost its rear end" after booking an MTV VJ who had all the drawing power of a Knight Rider rerun.

"When you invest the kind of money, marketing and time it takes to bring these people in, you better make darn sure you'll get a return on your investment," he says.

"But as long as (Tonic) has a limo for (Marriott) and they roll out the red carpet, and they treat him like the star he thinks he is and the public perceives him to be, it's a cash cow."

Cover charge remains the usual $5 throughout Joe Millionaire's appearance at Tonic, which is scheduled from 9:30 p.m. until midnight.

There's no million-dollar prize, but if you're nice, the former construction worker might let you touch his jackhammer.

mharris@thejournal.canwest.com